Optimize for Joy

March 2, 2012 in Blog, Family, Generosity, Inspiration, Life with 18 Comments

Recently, an entrepreneur whom I advise asked me what I optimize for. Knowing that I do a small amount of investing, am writing a book (slowly), advise companies, support a few charities, have a family and am a partner in a management consulting firm; he wondered how I decide how and with whom I spend my time. For me, it’s really easy. I don’t optimize for a specific financial outcome (maybe I should) or a particular professional goal (maybe I should) – I simply optimize for joy – the amount of joy that I experience and the amount of joy that I can bring to others; including friends, family and often strangers. It’s a simple decision-making process for me – I’m either joyful or am bringing joy to others (which makes me happy so it’s actually a selfish act) or I’m not. If I’m not, I don’t spend time on it.

Merriam-Webster defines joy as “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires” – that sounds about right to me.

In his New York Times Best Seller “Emotional Equations”, which I’m loving, my friend Chip Conley (@ChipConley) expresses joy in the following way:

Joy = Love-Fear

That also seems right to me. Being an engineer by training, if you drive fear to a number approaching zero, then Joy = Love, and that equation works for me. Yup, that equation works really well. The more love you experience and give, the more joy you have. Who doesn’t want that? Why optimize for anything else? What else is there?

Thanks for the equation Chip!

What equation works for you? What do you optimize for?

Really, I want to know. Thanks for sharing.

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  • Seandigital

    Great read there Mike.  Very cool to know this about you.  What a positive way to go through life.

  • http://www.SiliconPrairieNews.com/ Jeff Slobotski

    Great post Mike – love the way you think of things, and challenge me in focusing on what truly matters in our life’s relationships…

  • http://twitter.com/sandramp Sandra Ponce de Leon

    I have always been amazed by your generosity not only in the financial support of the causes you support, but your generosity of wisdom, guidance, connections, friendship, & love.  You continue to inspire me to be better and do more… thank you Mike!

  • http://twitter.com/danmartell Dan Martell

    Mike, love you bro!

    Same here … although I don’t think I’ve always been like that.  For a long time I felt I needed to suffer, to do things that sucked, that were super hard that didn’t make me happy to find “success”.  It wasn’t till I move to San Francisco and truly discovered my passion for creating that I found Joy.

    With that came even greater success.

    You’ve play a big part in that and wanted to thank you.
    DM

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    wow Dan – that’s so awesome and thank you so much for saying so. Love you too bro – I’m glad to see you guys so happy – it makes me smile! Keep livin’ large.

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    thank you Sandra – that’s so nice of you. I’m really glad that we’re friends – you inspire me too!

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    thanks Jeff – I’m so glad we’ve connected and I look forward to spending more time together, in the future! I hope to see you soon.

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    thanks Sean – it’s great to get to know you – it’s going to be a fun year together!

  • http://twitter.com/atirion Alex Tirion

    Mike – remove fear, and all that’s left is joy.  Great way to put it.  Makes me worried at how much fear I bottle up inside ;-)

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    right on Alex. Let that shizzle go – it’s a much better equation. Have a great weekend – it should be a beautiful one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/meimeifox MeiMei Fox

    As one whose mantra is FEAR LESS, LOVE MORE, and being as I call myself a “Joy-Giver,” I must say that I was deeply moved and inspired by this post. Thank you, Mike, for expressing life’s purpose so clearly! Let’s get this on HuffPost!

  • Eugene Chu

    Interesting post.  I don’t think Love=Joy. If you look in the dictionary, they have very different definitions.  

    Working in the hospital, I see decisions made every day which are made out of love, but bring great sadness to many people.  In my personal life, some of the hardest decisions I have made, like allowing my terminally ill child to be taken off of life support to die, resulted in sadness and grief…and peace.
    In my professional life, I have also had to make decisions that have not resulted in joy for either party.  Recently, for example, I had to both decide and tell an employee that their contract will not be renewed. This decision and act did not bring joy to either the person who loved and valued his job, nor myself, who has a genuine, personal fondness for the person being let go.  But, for many reasons, I was at peace with the decision.Some of these situations can be avoided and some cannot, but I do not  expend energy trying to avoiding these situations or feel that these are not worthy of my energy because they are not joyful. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy joy as much as the next person, but what I’ve come to realize is that being at peace with your decisions and life is much more important to me than being joyful.  So if I’m at peace with the way I’m leading life, whether that results in or equates to joy or sadness, I’m okay with it.  

    I optimize peace.

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

     thank you MeiMei – that means a lot to me! I’m all in to get it on HuffPost – just let me know. Keep spreading that Joy!

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    Hi Eugene – thanks for the thoughtful comments. I think Peace is a beautiful thing to optimize for. Just about 1 year ago, I lost my brother to a snowmobile accident. I came to peace with it knowing that there must have been a reason for it. That said, I did some things to keep his memory alive forever, such as raising money for a well for charity: water in his name – since he was so generous, and that act brings his four daughters and me much joy; knowing that people will feel the reach of his generosity and they will live better lives because of it. So, I guess I’m saying, maybe peace is a great place to start and there’s the potential to kick it up a notch to joy.
    Thanks for sharing your heartfelt experiences – I hope that the future proves to be bright for you.
    Peace.

  • Eugene Chu

    Thanks Mike.  

    I do agree that many good things can spring from sadness and disappointment.  Similar to your experience, after my daughter died, her mom and I endowed a scholarship in her name and I raise money and donate personal funds to charities in her memory.

    I think it is interesting that you seem to place joy above peace. (kick it up a notch).  I actually think that peace trumps joy in how I prioritize my time and energy.  Personally, I feel that joy is a more superficial and fleeting feeling while peace is a deeper and more meaningful experience.  

    Sometimes peace and joy come together, sometimes they don’t.    When they don’t, I would rather live in peace without joy then in joy without peace.

    Similarly, bringing joy from love is a wonderful gift, but loving someone enough to bring, when appropriate, sadness or disappointment into their or your life is something that, to me, demonstrates a deeper love.  

    It’s easy to love in joy, harder to love in sadness.  That is, if you accept the fact that love does not always equal joy.

    Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and ideas.  Best wishes to you.

    Eugene.

      

  • http://www.wehelpyourock.com/ Mike Walsh

    Hi Eugene – I absolutely agree. The equation isn’t literal, just a nice way to think about it. I’m not necessarily saying Joy trumps Peace, though in most cases, I have to feel peace before there’s a chance for joy — but not always, as you point out.
    I think that you honored your daughter in a beautiful way! I hope to stay in touch. Thanks for sharing and be well!
    Peace, Love and Joy to you!!

  • Eugene Chu

    Thanks again Mike for the stimulating discourse. 

    Likewise, it sounds like you are honoring your brother in a meaningful way.  My condolences for your loss.  You give the impression of a person who is passionate, thoughtful, kind and open-minded.  I hope things go well for you.  It would be good to stay in touch.  Here’s to all that life has to offer.Eugene.

  • http://twitter.com/carolharnett Carol Harnett

    Nice post, Mike. 

    It’s interesting. Just got back from TED. About half of the presentations talked about overcoming fear, being brave and dealing with shame.  Lots of folks seem fixated on this. No one talked about joy. No one… I wonder if there’s a connection.

    Don’t mind the ramble. I’m in the usual post-TED haze.

    Happy to know you,
    C